as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i came on her dog
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
