We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
