I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
