you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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