My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
