see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
