My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
