just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
