I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
