Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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