remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
