my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
