I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
