How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
