Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
