Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
