i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
