Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
