Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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