He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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