I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
