I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
