We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
