oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
