I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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