there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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