sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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