I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
