oh god the rape fog is back!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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