whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
