I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
