Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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