I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
