are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
