I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
