seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
