Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
50% drunk capacity currently
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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