I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your penis caused this!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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