We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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