I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
