Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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