The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
