would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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