i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
