you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
