Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
