Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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