Apparently you make a good broom.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
