i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we should paint friendship bongs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
