Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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