Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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