Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
