whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
