I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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