i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
