Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
