Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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