We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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