Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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