i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
