You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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